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I know that there are many of you out there who shun the t.v. or have only negative views of watching shows, BUT, I’m not one of them. I like watching t.v. in all it’s hyped up glory and when I can’t watch certain shows, I get restless and disconcerted. Actually, I feel that way about having access to a computer. And of course, the Gods always like to have a laugh and test us out now and then.

Yesterday, I went up to my apartment with the sole purpose of setting up my new t.v. and getting my computer ready for the move. I wanted to make sure that the first night after a day of chaos and moving, I would have my creature comforts and crash in front of one of my usual Friday night shows and relax. And then the morning after the move, on Saturday go on my computer and read blogs of have fun on Pinterest. Yes, there are probably other more “productive” ways to relax but the t.v. and my computer are my drugs of choice.

Anyway back to what happened yesterday. The tech man from my t.v. provider spend an hour out there setting up my t.v. and reception for my computer. I kept verifying with him, that even though I’m not moving until the 18th, I’ll still be able to watch t.v. and use my computer back home as I guess there’s one “box” that gives one access to both, along with the phone.

I get home after a long day of organizing this and that and sure enough, my t.v. isn’t working, just a horrible black screen, I can’t sign onto my computer and my phone is void of the dial tone, so I know I’m in trouble. Literally, three hours pass, talking to my t.v./internet/phone provider and basically someone screwed up along the way and I was S.O.L. except they managed to get my internet back up.

I can’t believe how tired and upset I was and yet somehow managed to keep it together after looking forward to watching…wait for it, the show “Survivor.” It’s one of my guilty pleasures, o.k.?

I had my cell phone but I was told it would be two weeks before I could get my phone up and running and my t.v. working until I moved which is only in one week! Then different operators from my t.v/phone provider assured me that I would have a tech. person out tomorrow to reverse all my services because they thought I had already moved out of my house. I never, ever told them I was moving earlier than the 18th. Still, many of you are probably shaking their heads for how upset I got.

I don’t give out my cell phone number unless it’s a family member or friend so anyone who tried to call me would not even get a message saying when they called me, “this phone number has been changed to….” There’s just a black hole of nothingness with my current phone number.

Last night at ten o’clock I was told that just “maybe” if someone messed up their apt. with my t.v./internet/phone provider I would luck out and someone would be over to fix everything right away which is better than waiting two weeks to have everything working.

So, here I am, on the computer (thank heavens for small miracles) and waiting around for something that may or may not happen. Screw it, I’m going out because I was assured that even though I may or may not get my services up and running today, a tech. is scheduled to come over to my house tomorrow to fix my problems.

We all have our rituals and one of my major rituals is temporarily on the blitz although I remembered Hulu where I can at least watch shows on my computer. I’m going to organize more for moving today and then off to do something that’ll divert me.

Yes, we are spoiled here as there are so many people in the world who don’t even have drinking water or food and so this is a self-pitying rant, I guess. But, sometimes self-pity is necessary to move on through life’s annoyances or problems. This is the end of my rant, thank you all for listening if you’ve managed to make it to the end of this post and th-th-th-that’s all folks!

What’s your guilty pleasure? And how hooked are YOU to our plugged in life?

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I’ve always wondered if a snake feels any pain with shedding it’s skin, how uncomfortable is it for a caterpillar to transform into a butterfly, and other creatures in nature who shed, and transform themselves? In other words how does change happen so naturally in the “natural” world while we humans struggle so much with change? At least I do. Some people seem to shed off one skin for another with seemingly ease, while I’m rebelling and holding onto the known with my upcoming house move. In two weeks, I’ll be packed up and moving out of my house that I’ve lived in for twelve years and there’s a lot of fear of the unknown.

I don’t know if it’s fully possible for me to embrace the unknown yet and live in a town atmosphere that I’ve always loved which sounds contradictory, doesn’t it? I’m going to be living in an apartment that’s half the size of my house, I won’t be waking up to my backyard with the roses in full bloom and watch my cats scamper outside after lizards, nor, will I be able to go out under a full moon to perform a solo rite. I don’t want to sound like I’m wining because so many people I know are homeless or are in much worse situations than myself but I do feel the loss already of saying goodbye to the life I have now.

My friends and family are trying to encourage me with the best of intentions and telling me what a grand adventure I’m going on with my new move, but I’m not quite there yet. I have boxes full of memories that are packed up while I’ve also thrown out or donated more than half my possessions I no longer need or want. This house has held mostly good memories for me and while I’m sure I’ll be having wonderful times ahead when I move, I can’t help but wanting to resist shedding this skin or transforming into something new.

Nature helps me to know that change is inevitable and that to become a stronger or fuller person, I have to somehow adapt to my new circumstances. I’m moving on the eighteenth and am counting down the days with both sadness and hope. I’ve been very externally busy which I know is a good thing otherwise I’d be moping and grieving harder than I already am.

That’s what’s happening in my life now. I haven’t stepped into my new world yet but I’ve received glimpses of what may be and it isn’t all bad. I’ll be embracing a new minimalist life style. Actually, I don’t know if embracing is the right word or not. Aine from “The Deepest Well” has talked a lot about minimalism and how she and her husband have learned to welcome this way of life which inspires me and shows me how I may actually thrive and not just survive, spiritually, emotionally and the obvious physically. As I said, I haven’t completely shed my old skin for a new one yet but it’s happening whether I like it or not. And that is part of life with all it’s sorrows and joys.

Have any of you downsized by your choice or perhaps not your choice? What has been the most valuable lesson for you?

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I don’t know why I’ve been so resistant to blogging lately. I guess my mind and world are changing so much that focusing and sitting down to actually writing something seems to take on a Herculean effort even though that’s of my own making. And change will be a large part of my life the next six months, that’s unavoidable. I promised the Universe that I’d blog about intuition vs. fear if I got the apartment and I did get the apartment!

I tell you, the day that I was accepted was full of hand wringing and gnashing my teeth because there was so much ridiculousness over whether I could pay my rent or not. Fear really kicked on overdrive inside of me and the calm voice of intuition saying that “whatever happens, Wendy, you’ll be fine. If not this apartment than something better will appear.”

I have a hard time sitting down with intuition and clarity for a cup of tea when chaos is going on around me. Well, chaos is too strong a word, but uncertainty seems to be playing a number on me. My home is where I feel most secure and I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll be leaving my house within a month, but that still doesn’t mean that I’ve surrendered to the unknowing of everything going on! I’ve accepted that for quite some time now and am looking forward to the change of living somewhere new for the most part. So, now at least I have the security of knowing where I’ll be living for who knows how many years.

When I put out the wish into the world that I find a place “where my cats and I will be happy at and that where we can live a long time at” I didn’t add and ‘may the process be smooth and easy.” Again, when sending out intention into the world for a wish, try to cover all basis’.

Isn’t this what faith is all about though? That calm and sure voice inside that assures us that no matter what happens, it’ll all work out. Quite different from the flidgety voice of hope (at least for me) that weighs everything on some external scale where there’s no guarantee of anything. Give me faith over hope anytime.

I could bore you with the latest struggles over this apartment but I don’t want to give into fear. It has to do with re-carpeting which is rather silly but dealing with managers (not my future landlady whom I adore) is frustrating and demands nothing but patience from me. So, every day I ask the Universe for patience and that authentic voice of faith that says “this too shall pass and everything unfolds exactly as it needs to.”

How do any of you handle uncertainty?

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