The Year of the Cats

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Hi Everyone,

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I’m just so fed up with WordPress because I can’t post any photos which leaves me to now wanting to post. Visual images are so important to me and not being able to use any kind of dampens my creativity. I’ve decided I’m going to be moving back to Blogger. I haven’t ever had a personal blog on Blogger so I hope I’ll like it. I don’t have it set up or anything but as soon as I do, I’ll leave the link here.

Life is still up and down like it is for everyone but since I’m determined to hone in on gratitude as a skill I feel happier and more blessed. I’ll post soon about the Owl release I was able to do with a bird from the Raptor Rehabilitation Center I volunteer at. Talk about blessings!!!

I’m still visiting everyone’s blogs, so I’ll be around in that sense. Again, I’ll leave the link here for you to visit me at my new blog.

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Can I just say now how frustrated I am with WordPress? I know not a great way to start out a post but I can’t upload any images and I’m fed up beyond belief! So, sorry for the lack of images. I was going to put some up with Miss Bella and Sele but until I figure out what’s going on, you’ll have to use your imaginations.

Christmas was quiet and nice as I spend time with my parents. I still did feel a little lonely with them but I have to be grateful for what I do get from them, rather than what I don’t. I think we have so many expectations about our parents (at least I do) which can add tension and unhappiness. They’ll never be warm touchy-feely type people but they are extremely loving and supportive which is way more than most people get to have.

I haven’t been feeling very “magickal” lately and wonder if it’s the Winter blahs. Not that we get a real Winter here out in Southern California. I never fully decorated my tree even though I had it up and I didn’t decorate any of my altars. I’m feeling kind of adrift here and not even sure who to call upon for spiritual help. Do any of you go through this? I’m not depressed, it’s just that I have no fire for anything witchy. And it’s been this way for a long time.

Do we have to act “as if” sometimes to get our mojo going again? Or do I just wait for the natural tides to ebb and flow with my magickal life? Or am I being lazy? I wish I had some friends around here who could come over and help me get back into the groove and make some magick happen. Maybe this is where coven’s or at least a few friends make a difference to a witch or any body that follows a spiritual path. They help carry one to the shores of belonging so that a person doesn’t feel so alone. It’s a conundrum.

New Year’s Eve is going to be very quiet. I haven’t stayed up until 12:00 in many years so that’s not such a big deal for me. I tend to be more inclined to celebrate the New Year at Samhain although I still have a certain mind set when it comes to a non magickal New Year. I like the idea of picking one word to focus on for a New Year that is in no way a New Year’s resolution. Last year my word was equanimity and I couldn’t have chosen a better word as I had to move out of my old house, move into the apartment I am now and find a new community. This year I need something to express my need for branching out. Two words, I know.

Any ideas for me? Do you pick a word for the New Year and what is it? I’d love to see blogs writing about their new word for inspiration and it’s fun to read a blog throughout the New Year to see if one’s word has shown up. Maybe mine should be “magickal.” Do you think that would kick start anything? And how would I apply it?

I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year’s Eve whatever your spiritual path is. (I’ll be around trying to figure out what to do. Maybe I should go back to Blogger?)

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I can’t believe how kind people can be and how much love and support you keep continuing to give me, especially during this holiday time. So, a big thank you to everyone and imagine me giving a hug to all of you. Good news! My parents have invited me over for Christmas so I’m not going to be alone and I actually look forward to spending some time with them. And of course on Yule I’ll have a small solo ritual to greet the new baby sun.

I can’t even wallow in grief about Newtown because I feel so overwhelmed with it all like most of us are. What I can do is offer a prayer and send out loving and healing energy to everyone affected. I believe one doesn’t have to be “religious” to make a prayer but rather spiritual. I saw this image on one of my favorite blogs, “Our Country Cove Life” and just thought how powerful it is to send out prayers. If you’d like to share this image on your blog, please feel free to do so. Blessings to everyone.

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(warning: this isn’t going to be a cheery holiday post.)

I’m in a pretty bad depressive state right now which I haven’t experienced for a few months. The holidays always trigger it too. I spend Thanksgiving with my parents, expecting a dismal time and actually had a really nice time and feel closer to both of them. Here comes Christmas/Yule though and I will be alone.

My parent’s don’t celebrate Christmas and just kind of dismissed me coming over to spend time with them. I have two brothers and the one I do talk to, basically has said, that he’s only going to be spending Christmas with his children. My son is going to be in Israel and I’m very excited for him but I’ll miss him so much. I also miss my old house and decorating it for the holidays. I’m really trying to get in the spirit to decorate my apartment but haven’t succeeded yet.

I bought myself an artificial tree and just can’t make myself put up all my beautiful Christmas/Yule ornaments on it that I’ve collected through the years. I’m trying to think of Christmas/Yule as just another day and that I’ll get through it but thinking like this depresses me even more. Friends have suggested I volunteer at a soup kitchen for the homeless on Christmas but I know that I’d be even more miserable there. Perhaps I’m a bit selfish and while I know that there are so many other’s who don’t have a home to call their own, I’m blessed to be living in my little apartment.

Acknowledging my blessings is extremely important but that doesn’t stop me from feeling very lonely and sad. On January 5th, my mother will have been gone for 15 years. I had a dream about her last night and I woke up just feeling so incredibly sad. Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year when I was little and memories can sometimes hurt more than they do good. I do celebrate Yule but even Yule is best spent with loved ones.

My apartment manager has become a good friend to me and is full of Christmas cheer. She has two grown sons whom she’s very close to. I’m really happy for her but also feel envy that she has such close relationships to them. She had her tree decorated right away and has all of her Christmas decorations up. She keeps asking me when I’m going to decorate my tree and I feel like such a phony telling her I’m planning on doing it soon.

So, what do I do? I don’t want to invite myself over to anyone’s house especially during the holidays and I don’t have that many people I can do that with anyway. This really does sound like a poor-little-me post doesn’t it? Believe me, no one wants to feel depressed especially during the holidays and if I could just switch off my depression button I would.

So, that’s where I am. If I didn’t blog this I’d basically shut down and disappear through isolation right now. At least I have Miss Bella and Sele who love me no matter how I’m feeling. I don’t know what else to say…I hate ending on this note but I’d rather be honest with where I am and besides I’m a terrible liar.

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I have many many things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving but two of the biggest things I’m grateful for are pictured above; Miss Bella and Sele. Anyone who’s been loved by an animal knows this incredibly special bond. I’ve had quite a few kitties in my life and have loved them all but not as much as I do with Sele and Miss Bella.

I’ve been through a really hard time these last six months with having to move out of my house and then finding a new apartment in a new city. I was so worried about how Sele and Miss Bella would do but they’ve taught me the ability to be strong and flexible. They didn’t like the move of course and were frightened when we first moved into my apartment but they quickly got used to it and now seem to really like our cozy little arrangement.

I feel alone and unwanted quite a lot but whenever Miss Bella or Sele are sitting on my lap and purring, I forget my pain and allow myself to just feel loved. I know my family and friends love me but it’s not the unconditional love that my cats have given me. People who’ve never been loved by an animal won’t understand this post and may assume that I’m some crazy cat lady (well, I kinda am)   But those of you who have deep bonds with a pet know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m going to go over to my parents to spend Thanksgiving and yes, I love them, but to tell you the truth I often feel lonelier when I’m in their company than when I’m with Miss Bella and Sele.

As I said, I have many things to be grateful for but one of them is sitting in my lap as I write this and I know all is right with the world.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends who are celebrating it and may love and happiness fill your heart.

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