Charlie Sheen as “Icarus”, flying too close to the sun…

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Five years ago, I was shopping in my local Restoration Hardware store and happened to glance over at a man quietly looking at different items. He was dressed all in black, had dark glasses on and almost appeared like he was trying to disappear from it all, if that makes any sense. Then I recognized him..It was Charlie Sheen. My father is in the entertainment industry and had worked with Charlie on the first season of  the show he was on “Two and a Half Men.”

My father had also worked with his father, the actor Martin Sheen over ten years ago on a television series and formed a friendship with him. And then when I was in high-school, my friends ran around with Charlies brother, Emilio Estevez from a local high school nearby. I felt like I had all these elusive connections with Charlie, even though I had never met him.

So, when I saw him in the store, I was drawn to him in a curious sort of way and just wanted to connect. I didn’t want his autograph, or ask him about his off-screen life (which was messy as usual with his ex-wife, Denise Richards), etc…as I said, I just wanted to connect. I had first seen Charlie in the movie;  “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” and knew that he was an actor I wanted to watch. Where his brother, Emilio seemed like a good guy jock with a quirky darkness to him, Charlie seemed like a no holds barred, bad boy, unashamed and unapologetic for who he was which so many of us women seem drawn to.

Charlie Sheen in movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

In  “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,”  Sheen played a  juvenile delinquent with a wry charisma and charm. Was the character stereo typical? I think so, but Sheen was anything but stereo typical. His role wasn’t a major one, but when he was on it, my heart started to beat a little faster because he was so real and authentic. His crooked smile lit up the screen and  Jennifer Grey, who is a good actress, but couldn’t begin to share the same light as Sheen did in my eyes.

It’s funny how memories can appear like movie stills when we look at a person. We can remember how we looked when we first saw them, what music we listened too, who we were dating and other glimpses into our past that we may have forgotten. And so it was with these memories and connections I approached Charlie Sheen that day in Restoration Hardware.

I introduced myself and told him that my father had worked with him on his show and that his father and my father also worked together. A big smile came on Charlies face and he was so warm and alive as he shook my hand and told me how much he had enjoyed working with my father. I told him, how much I enjoyed his acting and that he made such an impression on me from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” He laughed this dry chuckle and looked off as if he were remembering who he once was back then. That was all. I said goodbye and bought the items I came into the store for and left.

I’d see and hear all these wild and sad stories in the media of how Charlie was gambling, visiting prostitutes, fighting with the different women in his lives, checking into rehab. for sexual and chemical addictions and the list went on and on. I remember my father saying how friendly Charlie was when he worked with him and how Charlie was so caring and attentive to his then wife, Denise Richards when she made an appearance on “Two and a Half Men.” They were newly weds and my dad said, he was so “protective of her and kind.”

It’s so easy for the public to cast actors into larger than life roles and expect them to be Gods. When they fall through a scandal or a personal problem, most people become vultures, eagerly waiting to see what remains are left to devour. It’s like when a car accident happens on a freeway and everyone has to slow down the car and look for any grisly evidence of what just happened. I used to be one of those who had to see for myself the damage that happened from a car accident.

And then I saw the movie “The Sixth Sense” and remember a scene where the little boy named, “Cole” talks about seeing the dead victims from car crashes. And how their spirits would often linger. That whole movie shifted my spirituality around, but that scene stood out the most for me. No longer would I gawk at grisly car accidents, instead I would say a quick prayer, wishing for peace for the victims, their families, the law officers at the scene and if there was someone who died, that they would find their way into a peaceful afterlife quickly.

How does this relate to Charlie Sheen? Because he’s clearly in pain, suffering from a possible manic stage stemming from Bipolar Disorder and is crashing horribly into this realm where he’ll be lucky to survive. And if Sheen does survive this storm, he won’t be unscathed. I have Bipolar Disorder II and while I never had such an extreme mania as Sheen is having (IF he does have Bipolar Disorder, no one knows for sure right now), I know the speeding train that kept threatening to plunge me off the mountain side with the false friends of invincibility, euphoria, recklessness and hedonism right by my side, smiling all along with me.

I watched the whole MSNBC show that was on yesterday as a news reporter spend time with Sheen in his house these last couple of weeks. I recognized myself in Sheen and all the others who have to constantly battle with personal demons, whether they’re celebrities or not. I felt such a heaviness and sadness well up in me. I felt paralyzed and found myself lost in the incredible hell that Sheen was in. I have to be very, very careful of what I watch on television as I pick up too many emotions and experiences others are having and have a hard time separating myself from them. Somehow, I was able to come back into my body that I was floating away from, and say a prayer for both myself and Sheen. Especially, Charlie Sheen..This man needs as much light and love from us, more than ever.

I’m not trying to discount the millions of those who are in extreme pain on any level, no matter if they’re famous or not. Some people are saying how “savvy” Sheen is for acting the way he is because it’s good for his career. What??? He’s battling the producers of “Two and a Half Men,” he has children with former wives who are quickly taking them away from his presence (which is completely understandable) and fans are flocking to him on Twitter as he madly dashes out his philosophies about having “Tiger blood” and being “special” like an “Adonis.” I don’t know anyone, who would go out of their way to get the attention Sheen is being accused of seeking, unless…they’re reached too high like Icarus did, wanting to fly as close to the sun as possible and have no idea of the destruction at hand.

I’m not asking that you pray for Sheen like I’ve been doing. I don’t consider myself a religious person and hate it when others’ try to preach to me. Maybe you could think kind thoughts for him and to have compassion for one who is so clearly wounded. For me, Sheen represents those of us who are or have been “lost in the wilderness” without a light.  Each human is connected to another and when we pray for one, we pray for all.

Mitakuye Oyasin

© 2011, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.

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