PrintI’m not afraid
Of anything in this world
There’s nothing you can throw at me
That I haven’t already heard
I’m just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company
I have this really harsh task-mistress living inside of me that’s so rigid and demanding, that I’ve been over-whelmed with anxiety which then leads to depression. Her name is “Miss. Perfectionism.” You think I’m kidding or making a joke, but I’m not. I can’t remember ever being free of this person who just stops me dead in my tracks, when trying new things and stretching past my comfort zone. One of her favorite phrases she says to me over and over is, “Wendy, you’ll never be enough or good enough.”
I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
‘Cause tears are going nowhere baby
If I can manage to take one step forward and it’s not “good enough” according to “her” standards, then I really get it from her. She’s been really loud this last week. Whenever I feel like I’m about to make a breakthrough on something I’ve been contemplating for a while or have been “stuck” on a problem, she appears with a ruler in hand, just waiting for me to make a mistake. And then I just freeze…
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
I feel like my whole body is locked in a cube of ice, rigid and immobile. I start doing meaningless things to try and fool Miss. Perfectionism into thinking I’m actually doing something constructive, but she sees right through me and just laughs with disdain. I feel like a failure and just give up.
For example, I’ve told you about this new blog, I’ve been wanting to start. The design is perfect, thanks to Lyn, the ideas are rolling and yet…I can’t begin to make that first post. The void of the blank screen waiting for my words to appear and tumble out is so scary that I just keep putting it off day after day.
I remember when I was a little girl and I think I was in fourth grade, having to go up to the blackboard in front of all of my class mates and solve a really “simple” math problem. I started shaking in my seat, hands trembling and my whole body went on automatic pilot. I didn’t have the strength to say to the teacher, “I can’t do it, because I don’t understand how numbers work and I feel lost.”
I knew the other children, well most of them would jeer and shout out loud words and phrases that would make me retreat even more into the turtle shell I carried whenever I felt scared. I went up and dropped the chalk three times I think, just praying that either the school bell would ring, ending class, or that my teacher would become impatient with me and pick another student which would still be painful, but at least I could run back to my seat and burn with shame pretending that no one else was looking at me.
I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see
What would usually happen is, that the teacher couldn’t see my struggles and would wait…just wait, five minutes which would turn into ten minutes, to see if I could solve my problem, er…I mean the mathematical equation. And then the patience of the teacher would end and I would be send back to my seat hearing how “stupid” I was from my classmates who were eager to jump up and answer the math equation proudly or if they couldn’t answer it, they were usually the class clowns who would still win the approval with laughter and back-slapping companionship from the other kids.
I’d go home, so embarrassed and humiliated and pray that the school wouldn’t call my parents to tell them I was struggling with math and/or the other subjects in school I was miserably failing at. Learning disorders weren’t really known or looked at the time. Counseling for anxiety just wasn’t done in my family or most other families for that matter back then and so my school fears and struggles never ended.
You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now
My, oh my
My mother would become very angry with me if the school did manage to reach her and tell her about my failures. My dad would try and be understanding but was ineffective as he sat with me for what seemed like hours, trying to help me understand how math worked which never worked, because it was like trying to explain what the color “blue” is to someone who’s never seen colors.
I did excel at reading, creative writing, acting, and spelling, but the cross-over effects from my humiliation and failures from classes like math and geology just shut down any spark of light because I was so afraid as usual to make a mistake. I’ve always hated that saying, “Just Do It.” If we all could just “do it” so easily, than why are there so many of us struggling with issues leaving us feeling even more inadequate or like a complete failure?
I know logically everyone struggles with perfectionism in some way or another. Some seem to thrive with challenges and accomplish what I view as Herculean tasks. Blogging, getting out into the world, making new friends, volunteering, going back to school to learn web-design, starting a regular yoga practice like I used to, dating…I could go on and on with the list of things that I so want to try, but am just sitting stuck here instead feeling useless and ashamed.
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant get out of it
I still don’t turn to my family, as they’ve always been an unsafe place for me to find encouragement or solace. But, I am really, really blessed to have a therapist who is there for me unconditionally, is gentle with me and never criticizes me for any of the self-perceived flaws I hate having. I could call her with any problem, between our sessions and she will always listen to what I have to say with warmth and understanding. She talks with me, not at me. She never pushes me to do something that I feel I’m not ready to do, but she does encourage me to take just one tiny step forward that feels manageable, even if it does take longer for me to do than I would like.
I also have met friends who mean so much to me, like you who read my blog and are there for me in ways that keep me going and not giving up.
I was starting to feel anxiety even writing about my perfectionism in this post. I just pushed on gently, one word at a time and while Miss Perfectionism is trying to rake me over the coals for my “horrible grammar, lack of consistent writing, inattention to details, etc…” I have temporarily managed to shut her up. I may never win the war with her, but I can win many battles and that’s a start.
Yesterday, the song by U2 “Stuck in a Moment” just floated into my mind like a cool breeze of light and spirit. I felt as if Bono was urging me on with love and understanding so that I didn’t feel so alone and misguided. I started to breathe again instead with new a new grace and inspiration which lead me to deeper consciousness and insight into my anxiety and perfectionism. I wish I could thank him personally for “being there” me even though that may sound so silly.
I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm ’til you discover how deep
I wasn’t jumping, for me it was a fall
It’s a long way down to nothing at all
Back to the issue of my new blog “Hello, Darkness”, it’s a really big step for me, as it was for me to start this blog, because there’s this blank slate just waiting for me to write and let my feelings and thoughts pour out. I refuse to let my anxiety for perfection stop me from “opening” my new blog, it just isn’t happening according to Miss Perfectionism’s schedule.
I think that some of us who are especially sensitive, have this child inside of us that is still afraid and cowers from cruelty and helplessness we may have experienced even though we’re no longer children. I’m learning to more compassionate, patient and understanding with myself so that I can move forward even at a snails pace. This is what helps me getting unstuck in moments…
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Sele is curled up on my lap, purring and giving me such love that I don’t feel like I’m a complete failure as a person. I am a good mother to my furbabies. I don’t feel that way so much when it comes to being a mother to my son, Alex, but I’m not going to focus on that right now. I love animals and especially my “girls” so much that my self-criticism doesn’t tear me apart like it usually does. Love always leads away from the darkness back into the light.
And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass
Do any of you struggle with perfectionism as well? And how do you help yourself when you feel frozen in fear because of your OWN ideals of how to be perfect? What baby steps do you take so that you’re not stuck in a moment?
I’ll end this post with the video of U2′s song “Stuck in a Moment.” Maybe it’s a song that you need to hear most right now too. Thank you for hanging in there with me with all my neuroses and weaknesses.
It’s just a moment
This time will pass
(Stuck In A Moment Lyrics Artist(Band):U2)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykIj190mJek[/youtube]
© 2011, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.
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oh Wendy, of course I’ll stick around and stay by your blogging side. Even with your bossy perfectionism hanging about
I don’t have perfectionism myself. And sometimes that is a bad thing. I’m pretty void of feelings when it comes to perfecting….like things that I really should care about that should be perfected. I often just don’t care. Which in the end does not work out for the better. It means my work among other things is always sloppy.
Perfectionism is ok on some levels and not on others. Well I think so.
So how about you send miss. perfectionism my way and I will send miss. Whogivesf**k your way… and we can match up in the middle
Jaimie-Lyn recently posted.. Yule- New year GIveaway Winner is 
You “should” yourself as much as I do Jaimie-Lyn, from your comment above and knowing you, so there IS a part of you that does feel like you “should” be perfect because you don’t feel a certain way etc…And I like the idea that we bring our two inner critic beyotches together and fire their butts >^..^<
Please don’t beat yourself up, my girl. People love you for you!
Debra She Who Seeks recently posted..More Gingerbread House Chronicles – Candy Cane Chalet
Debra, you always have the nicest and most loving things to say, thank you!
I sometimes deal with the perfectionism bug myself. I’ve just kind of learned to let it go. As I’ve gotten older (I’m 45) i’ve stopped caring what people think of me. If they don’t like me so what? I like myself and my company. I think if we learn to be content with ourselves we can let go of what other people think. Nobody is perfect. We are perfect in our imperfections. You are the perfect you.
Joane recently posted..Fairy Friday and Rambling
I’m two years older than you are, Joanne, yayyyy for goddess’ like us, and I’m a lot better than I used to be with all the self-criticism, but I still struggle with it, as I’m sure you do. I do most of the time like my own company and prefer it that way as opposed to spending time with people who can’t appreciate me, so I am slowly getting there. I love the “perfect in our imperfections”, thank you!
Perfectionism has almost ruined my life. How many times have I replayed a scenario in my mind in which i made a mistake or did something stupid???? Countless times. But when I got older and I didn’t have as much energy any more I made a startling discovery – striving for perfection takes ALOT of energy and it’s so very much easier just to admit you’re not perfect, that this or that is GOOD ENOUGH, which by the way it IS, or to do your best at any given moment – sometimes this is really really the best and other times it is so-so. So what? Screw it. Throw caution and perfection to the wind and enjoy being average. It’s so much easier to be average and if you’re particularly lazy try being below average so that someone else has to step in and do something for a change. Wendy, you are perfect. If you truly believe that you are a reflection of something/someone so awesome as Goddess than you are perfect all the time. If someone says he/she could do something better than you – then go sit down in a comfy chair, put your feet up and let them. Try it. I’m telling you – I should have given up perfectionism a long long time ago!
Aine recently posted..Tarot Tuesday
You’re right and I haven’t thought about it that way, but it DOES take so much exhausting time and energy, Aine into striving for an impossible goal of perfection. I had to laugh when I read the part about being “average”. I thought about what you said and I realized that in the family I grew up with, “average” was just not good enough and so my brothers and I were even more messed up and veered away from shining in our own special light. Thank you so much for your wisdom and honesty as always. Here’s to us both sitting in a comfy chair and toasting to being perfectly average
Girl, you are NOT a failure! You got my blog up and running and looking absolutely beautiful this week. You are so far beyond “good enough” I’d be jealous….if I was the type. I can identify with some of what you said…not the perfectionism, really, for me it’s more about control, I think, as my parents didn’t allow me much say in my own life growing up. I was very good at writing and arts in school, too, but let’s just say math was not my friend. My parents were kind of pleased with what I could do, but no matter what I did rather than praise me, my dad would just move the bar higher. If I got B grades he’d give me the business about I was capable of A’s, why wasn’t I getting them. Then I’d get an A and he’d say something like “See? You could have done that to begin with.” I pushed to get good grades, not because I cared about being perfect, but to get him off my back. He’s been gone 17 years and I still agonize over decisions because the first thought I’ll have is what will Dad say? And I admit to being a bit of a control freak about stuff around the house because I feel like I have no control anywhere else….I should have some control somewhere. One of the things I’m really working on this year is “letting go.” I think we can do it.
Stacy Lynn recently posted..All Aboard the Crazy Train
It’s interesting to me Stacy, that most of my friends who are creative in writing etc…struggle with math and similar areas of life. I’ve been learning more about left brain/right brain thinking and just realize that those of us who are stronger in the “creative” aspects are right brain thinkers. Stronger with words, images, symbols, etc..and it sounds like you and I both grew up with very left-brained parents who were logical, controlling (not that we can’t be controlling
but really didn’t get us. I know how hard you’ve worked towards being a good mother/wife etc…and I can totally understand about how our parents “legacy” to us, still messes with our minds sometimes. I like “letting go” for the theme of this year, here’s to letting go of overly high expectations of ourselves and others. Everyone is doing the best they can, right? And I loved being able to help put your blog together. Thank you for trusting me with it, any time you need help, just let me know : )
stop beating yourself up, let’s all beat up Miss Perfectionism! I only have an issue with perfectionism when it comes to drawing or painting (Thank the Goddess and God) because I have anxiety in everything else, except talking. Which, BTW…I was put in the corner of the classroom for many, many times from 3rd grade to 6th for not being able to shut-up…(they didn’t know about ADHD back then) Talk about humiliating. THEN in the 7th grade i got caught with gum in my mouth in the DREADED Math class, the MEAN fat, Bald condescending teacher made me take the gum out of my mouth and stick it on my nose for the rest of the class (about 30 min)
It is so funny that the expression “GET OVER YOURSELF” is used as a sarcastic remark.
When I for one, and Obviously you also Wendy, actually NEED to get over ourselves. I can not afford weekly Therapy and hope when my W’sC finally settles maybe I won’t need it. So my blog, my art and crafts and my own way of dealing with stuff is my therapy… The main things I have learned are…
go with the FLOW of your own feelings, if you are having a bad day it is ok to feel it, and deal with it, but you have to know when to not start wallowing (that is an issue for me)
seek TRUTH, stay away from PHONY people, you know the ones that seem oh so sweet (sickly) because when your back is turned they are the ones to put the knife in it. REAL people have real faults, they aren’t going to just act in a “society-ally-correct way” Real people, will be nice and kind but they will tell you how it is. WRITE, when you are “stuck in a moment” and later on go back and read what you wrote…there WILL BE a hidden truth…it may be a good thing or a bad thing, but it will be a TRUE thing.
Accept the gift of friendship from wherever it comes from, as long as it feels TRUE!
I can speak for many here i am sure, when I say you are loved, and thought of,and prayed for.
I think about you everyday, and hope and wish you are having a good day. (I also secretly wish i am going to hear from you, LOL)
You have been a great way of truth for me since meeting in bloggyland. To me, that certainly SCREAMS…that you ARE good enough!!
Much love, warm blessings, and gentle hugs my friend,
Susan
Susan G recently posted..6 inches snow creativity
Sue, you are one of the most loyal, hard-working and giving friends I’ve come to know. I really appreciate you being so supportive. You and I would have been in SO much trouble together if we knew each other in school, lol….Schools just aren’t properly set up for those of us who have A.D.D. which to me means high-creativity, boredom with the mundane and need to multi-task. I’m reading a book about perfectionism and it says that perfectionism can ruin any pleasure we have when creating any type of art, so I hope that YOUR Miss. Perfectionism doesn’t take that away from you as you are so talented. Thank you for reminding me of all the gifts I receive from my friends I’ve met through blogging, right back at ya >^..^<
I use to want things perfect, then I realize it took too much of my time to get whatever it was ‘perfect’…Besides what one considers perfect may not be the same to someone else… Its also a sign of control… I’m at that age where having things just so, isn’t a priority.. My mother is super picky about things and that is one quality I didn’t like about her, along w/the quality that she would criticize all the time…She never saw any imperfections in herself but boy could she see it in others… As they say, u have to pick your own battles.. As soon as I realized that having things ‘perfect’ wasn’t important, they were just important to me and didn’t seem to make a bit of difference to anyone else…
chrissy recently posted..PERFECTION&TP 129
My mother when she was alive sounded exactly like your mother, Chrissy! I think it’s important and necessary for one’s sanity to realize what’s important to US as individuals as you said and choose our battles that don’t maim us in the process. Perhaps a reason why we both love cats? They just know they’re perfect ; )
If you want an opinion, Wendy, it would be this:
I think what you need to accept and learn to live with (and even forgive, although I greatly dislike that word) isn’t your imperfection, but your sensitivity. Some people respond to adversity by becomeing tough, but you haven’t, it seems. I haven’t either. What I have discovered is that accepting sensitivity is the next best thing. In fact, in some ways it might be even better.
Jeff, I think in some ways I’ve become stronger realizing how sensitive I am, but not “tougher”. I know how both of us are very sensitive, intuitive and feel more than a lot of people we both know. It’s really comforting and wonderful to know people like you who just “get” me because we’re both so similar. Thank you…Namaste.
I think what you and I both need dear heart, is a Fairy Godmother of imperfection. One that tells us it’s OK to suck at math. It’s OK to not have a perfectly spotless house, a perfectly perfect life and a perfectly flawless personality. The parts about the fear of solving dreaded math problems for fear of being mocked dredged up some ugly insecurities in me, as I was always ‘the stupid kid’ when it came to certain things. We had these awful things called math races where two kids would stand up from their desks and be given a math problem to solve. Whoever shouted out the answer first ‘advanced’ and challenged the next kid and so on and so forth. My being very terrible at math (I still am, btw) always made me have panic attacks when it would get to be about 3 turns before me. By the time it was my turn I was warm, light-headed and I’m sure flushed but that didn’t stop them from doing it two to three times weekly.
I think a lot of the shit we go through as kids becomes a very embedded part of our personalities as we get older. The more often we endure certain torments and the longer we let them take shelter in our heads and hearts the harder they are to get rid of. You have Ms. Perfectionism and I have a creature that fears being disliked lurking in the corners of myself. I know that someday, through perseverance and learning to love ourselves we’ll vanquish these things for good.
D.Suplicki recently posted..So Long- Year!
Danni, A faery godmother of imperfection, lol…The most hilarious image popped into my mind of this Fairy Godmother who stumbles around, trips over her own wand and cusses instead of chanting the “right” invocations! I love it. Perhaps an art piece you might want to whip up? And I remembered those horrible math challenges that you had to suffer through. I totally forgot about it, ugh! I also have the fear of being disliked but it comes from thinking I have to live up to others expectations. You have one of the most beautiful souls I know Danni and are incredibly talented. May our imperfect/perfect Faery Godmother bless us both with self love and confidence ; )
I’m new to your blog but just wanted to say that I really relate to this post in a lot of ways. There’s a certain way I expected my life would be at my age and its turned out much differently than I “planned”. It’s not bad; I’ve got many blessings, but I tend to have more self-blame than I know what to do with. Wish you the best and hope you will find relief from Miss Perfectionism’s taunts.
Hi Winter! I love your name and welcome to my blog. Thank you for sharing about your own struggles and I don’t think live ever turns out how we “planned” does it? May you also feel the blessings of self-acceptance as well. I’m looking forward in getting to know you better. : )
Hi Wendy,
I really feel for you with this. I am not a perfectionist- but my greatest fear is failure. However my sister is- in the WORST way unlike you she refuses to believe she has a problem and I am sad to say this has isolated her from many family and friends and she is heading for a huge crash. That is why it is important that you continue your baby steps. I am glad that you have a therapist who can help you.
I don’t know if anything I have to say will help you – I HATE that saying “Just do it” and would seriously like shoot every person that gets up on their high horse and that barks it at me. However, looking back to most of the things I have acheived in my life I can definately tell you that I acheived them being absolutely, totally TERRIFIED. So my advice to you is build yourself up, take some time and DO IT AFRAID. Don’t wait until fear subsides for you to do something because it won’t.
With your new blog (PLEASE let me know when that is going- no pressure) Why not look at the first posts of some of the blogs you follow for inspiration. My first post was weird.
By the way, U2 is coming to Cape Town next month- very very exciting BUT the tickets were so UNBELIEVABLY expensive that their was now way I could afford to go. Maybe I will get to see them in another country some day…
Stephi, I think that actually perfectionism IS tied in with failure which is the major part of me not trying something that I’ll perceive as flunking out of. And you’re absolutely right about feeling the fear, accepting it’s going to be there and walking through it anyway. I’ve learned the more I try and grit my teeth saying “I am not afraid” I stay more stuck instead of like doing you suggested and knowing that fear is a natural process, even though it is so scary. And of course you will definitely know when I get my blog up and GREAT idea about looking at other first posts of blogs that I like. I never thought of that. I wish I could go see U2 with you! Perhaps, you can come visit me when they next play here and we can go together. Actually, I had the chance to once see them, with incredible seats but my friend couldn’t make it at the last minute and I didn’t want to go alone. I saw them once before and I can’t remember a better concert than the one they gave. Thank you as always for being such a beautiful friend and giving so much.
Wendy, you gentle, tender soul.
The beauty that is you is puuuuuurrrrceived by more than just your furbabies.
It took me 5 decades to get to the truth of me and my hurt. Then it took another 8 years to forgive myself for wasting 5 decades. And all that time Ms. Youcan’t Doanything Right ate my brain. So for the past almost 4 years, have been my only self awareness and acceptance time in my life. My armor has always been “make fun of myself before someone else does”, that and being a smart ass, pushing everyone away.
Every project I start, I have to have a talk with me about not giving a big one, how it turns out. Otherwise, I will just walk away and I don’t have enough days left in the rest of my life to waste on self doubt. I also want my grands to remember me as strong and happy, not weak and sad.
My only bit of advice is to say: authenticity is hard to hold on to unless you have self acceptance. And more importantly……be as good to yourself as you are to us, your fans, friends and admirers. Be well love, Oma Linda, The Olde Bagg
The Olde Bagg recently posted..Me and Selma Hayek have something in common
I love how you have such great wisdom and humour about life along with accepting all the suffering you’ve been subjected to Linda. Life is way too short as you’ve said to constantly pick and over examine every new project, new experience, etc.. which can stop us “dead in our tracks.” Staying authentic is a re-occurring mantra for me and it’s so wonderful to hear another person I admire embrace that way of being. Thank you for your friendship which I’ve come to value so much. One day, we’ll meet and perhaps I’ll be a neighbor of yours when I move to N.M. and we can laugh over the perfectionist imp. >^..^<
I used to be a perfectionist. It was horrible. Everything I did or said had to be absolutely perfect. (This stemmed from childhood issues with my father) But I learned that nothing in Life is perfect – everything has its flaw. And that flaw is what makes everything so special. If we spend our Life striving to be perfect, we will only end up bitter people who have missed out on an enormous amount of fun and enjoyment. Be easy on yourself. So the bed doesn’t get made, the dishes don’t get done, or you use terrible grammar. It’s all okay. The quirks are what make us who we are. And people love us for them. And if people can’t accept us for who we are – quirks and all -SHAME ON THEM!
Wendy, to me, you are perfect the way you are!
Jeanne Gripp recently posted.. S N O W
I’ve been long considered “quirky” Jeanne, but never thought of my quirks as being special, I LIKE that idea! I’d love to tell my family who have their own “quirks” but certainly don’t want to see or accept mine, “Shame on you”, I giggle when I think about that. Thank you for making me smile and thinking of my quirks in a new light, Jeanne : )
per-fec-tionism OOh, I know that nasty little bugger!
I was shy and quiet in school I never had more than two friends one of whom was a popular girl and we agreed together that she would ignore me when we were in school to protect her “reputation” it meant that I got all the benefit of being without the work, so I told myself.
I dreaded going up in front of the class to read or solve even if I knew how.I always got poor marks for class participation.
always did my homework and the class work I got A’s and b’s on papers, when it came time for tests I would completely blow it, my final grades would be c’s and deemed not good enough.
even though I tried hard I never understood math very well.
that little voice that squat behind my ear and said “your not good enough” sounded like my sep-father. even after he kiiled himself it still sounded like him.
I over think things, I mull them around in my head. the little thoughts like mice in a wheel chasing each other endlessly.
sometimes they would get loose and multiply , running around the floor of my brain chasing each other or scattering.
I never said anything because I was afraid of sounding “stupid” even when I had a good point before someone else came up with it. when in 6th grade, the teachers decided the class projects would be a play. I was to be the wicked witch of the west because none of the popular girls wanded to be the bad witch.
I started drinking because it made me “brave” enough to stand in front of everyone and perform. I was great. so I drank more next year, when we did romeo and juliet I was the nurse, another “icky” role for the plastics. by the time 8th grade rolled around I was becoming”brave” everyday. I was the queen of hearts this year and popular. and all it took was to sell my self respect to a bottle.
at 45 I have been sober for 20 years. I look back at that girl and wish I had someone-anyone who would tell me I was good enough and I know you can do better next time. in stead of whats the matter with you? but I didn’t. so I told my children they were good enough and they could do better next time. even when they were failing and thier teachers or class mates were merciless. even when thier father told them they were not good enough, I always went after him and told them, I was proud they tried so hard. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes, huge mistakes. but you get back up, dust off your pants and try again. nothing works the first time you try it. perfection takes practice and some of us need more than others to achieve even the smallest of success.
I practice alot.
Flora Goodson recently posted..seasons blessings everyone!
hmm, that was long winded! boy! sorry I didn’t mean to take up your whole blog on my personal boogieman!
we all have daemons!) what I wanted to say was,
it’s our imperfections that make us unique,
embrace your uniqueness. it makes you interesting.
if we were perfect we would be barbiedolls, plastic, boring.
you are not perfect. you make mistakes.
*cue fred astair singing* you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start all over again!
Flora Goodson recently posted..seasons blessings everyone!
Please, Flora know that I never mind you leaving such long and wonderful comments. I love to connect more with those who read my blog and feel really honored when people like you share such intimate stories. And wow, congrats. on being sober for 20 years! My son is a recovered heroin addict who’s been clean for three years strong now and I know the incredibly difficult battle that goes on every day in an addicts life. The best gifts I feel we can give as a mother is exactly what you did with your children by telling them they “were good enough.” I think we do carry our family’s shame of not living up to others expectations until someone is conscious enough and courageous enough to stop the pain like you’ve seemed to do. Hats off to you, girl and thank you again for sharing yourself so generously with all of us. Hugs and blessings.
I totally understand Ms. Perfectionism. I really despise her and yet I still try and play her games. I have impossibly high standards for myself and it’s only now I’m learning to relax and let them go. Normally I would rather not do anything if I can’t do it well. And that’s not a way to live a life. Frozen. So this year I’m having a ‘f*ck it’ attitude. Care to join me?
Lyn recently posted..On The Floor- Horned God and A Mermaid
Lyn, you and I are both so similar. It’s messed up how Ms. Perfectionism seems to want to rain down upon our parade. I like your “f*ck it” attitude for this year. I’ve heard such great things from others about letting this year be one of moving past self-limitations and expectations. And yes, I’m there with you sister joining in on the f*ck it train ; )
I think that perfectionism is hard. I try not to even focus on being perfect because perfect is in the eye of the beholder. I know that what I do in my life and the choices I make our all guided in the way the were supposed to be. It is no wonder that you have the girls. The girls help you remember you have be-ings that rely on you. They don’t need you to be perfect, they need you to be good enough. One of my professors said that we don’t need perfect in the world, we need good enough. Be good enough for you Wendy. I personally can say that you have been beyond good enough for me. You have helped me in numerous ways. Thank you for that.
And my phrase for 2011 is “Making it happen in 2011!
Join me and we will make it happen!
Ponderosa Pagan recently posted..RIP GRANDPA
Christian, I’m so glad we’ve become friends. You have such a light heart and just shine! And you and I completely are on the same page when it comes to realizing our furbabies help us out and love us when we can’t seem to do that for ourselves : ) And “good enough” seems to be a common phrase I keep hearing these days. We DO need to define personally what our own “good enough: is. Thank you for letting me into your life and I’ve loved helping you!
Hi
I nominated you for a blog award, to thank you for your great posts
Love Leanne