Print“Guilt”
Judaism’s greatest weapon; often used by jewish mothers; often ruins your plans for the night or sometimes, in extreme cases, your whole weekend. Uses mostly reverse physcology.
Mother: David can you run down to Epstein’s and get me a roast beef on rye, with russian dressing?
David: No mom, I’m supposed to meet the guys in 10 minutes.
Mother: Ok…I’ll remember that.
David: Well I mean, if you realy want me to go I guess-
Mother: No, forget it… go out..leave me here.
David: (sighs) Did you say you wanted russian dressing?
(Roni Goldburger. (2010) Urban Dictionary: jewish guilt. Retrieved December 03, 2010, from http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jewish guilt)
This is a difficult post for me as I’m going to be talking about feelings that I’m ashamed about. I’ve blogged before a lot about my Norwegian Ancestry and how much I resonate with the Saami people and their beautiful spiritual legacy. Well, my father’s side of the family are Hungarian Jewish and I can’t stand that side of the family, I don’t like Jewish music like Klezmer, or the Yiddish language and I have even more attending a temple service. So, here you have one confused and conflicted person. I mean really it’s like a joke, a Norwegian/Germanic woman marries a Hungarian Jew. That was my mother and father. And while there were apparently no clashes of spirituality, I was confused growing up when we celebrated Christmas and Channukah. I was forced to attend a horrible temple when I was little and squirmed constantly in my seat as a Rabbi or Cantor would sing or tell a story. I loved the Lutheran school I went to for a little while before I was made to go to temple.
I remember the first day I was introduced to the Rabbi who was in charge of meeting new children attending the temple and him asking me questions about myself. Here’s a glimpse into what happened.
Rabbi: So, Wendy, can you sing your favorite song?
I proceeded to sing “Yes, Jesus loves me for the bible tells me so…” (Some of you might know that song.)
Rabbi: (uncomfortable laugh). And do you believe in God?
Me: Yes, God is a black cat. (I swear I’m not making this up.)
So, needless to say, it went all down hill from there. It didn’t help when I came home one day after temple and told my mom what I learned about Adam and Eve. She says to me, “Oh, Wendy…Of course they didn’t tell you about Lilith“. She then went on to tell me that Lilith was Adam’s first wife before Eve and that basically Adam was a wimp and misogynist (she didn’t use that term exactly, but she made her point.) She said, that Adam couldn’t handle a strong woman and so complained to this all mighty powerful God who was extremely jealous and possessive and so kicked Lilith out of paradise and replaced her with a submissive, docile woman named “Eve.” O.k…so that told me that basically, Jewish men in general didn’t like powerful women and that this Jewish God was this God who also didn’t like women who rebelled against the norm.
My father and mother apparently DID argue about their religious beliefs even though my father last attended temple when he was thirteen years old and had a Bar Mitzvah. He was and still is in no way a religious man and attends Jewish services because my step-mother who is also Jewish (but not devoutly) asks him to go along with her to services that fall on the major Jewish holidays. Years go by and I’m still hating the whole Jewish scene even though I did like Channukah, NOT because of the religious aspect, but because I received eight presents on TOP of getting Christmas presents and I liked lighting a menorah. That was it. I couldn’t stand the whole Yom Kippur scene with the emphasis on repentance and atonement. Purim wasn’t any better and neither was Rosh Hashanah.
My mother dutifully made the proper meals and we followed a “Jewish-light” version of these occasions. And then there was my Jewish grandmother, Frida. Oi Vey ; ) She wasn’t prejudiced herself at all against other religions and had many friends who weren’t Jewish. BUT, when it came to her two sons marrying a Shiksa, well, that was a horse of a different color. There was such animosity between my mother and her. Not just because my mother wasn’t Jewish (and never converted) but that was the major issue for their intense dislike of each other and it was felt by all like a lightening bolt send from Yahweh.
I could write post after post about Frida, but I’ll save that for another time. Her grandfather was a Rabbi and her own parents were pretty strong followers of the Jewish faith and that carried a heavy weight upon who she would embrace as a family member and who wasn’t. Since, I was much closer to my mother’s side of the family, I became defensive and antagonistic with Frida and this was just another spark to the fire for my dislike of not only my Jewish Ancestry but of the Jewish Faith.
Pretty sad, I know. In my early thirties, I learned about Kabbalah and my interest started to peak a little about this mystical aspect of the Jewish religion. I also started to learn about Jewish Wicca which somewhat alleviated my barriers against the Jewish Faith and culture. However, I still don’t celebrate Judaism and haven’t fully learned to embrace that part of my ancestry. However, there are a few things I absolutely love related to Judaism…One is a man named, Jon Stewart, (my life might have been a lot more interesting if I met a man like him growing up.) Not only do I find him incredibly sexy but his intelligence and strong liberal views make me take a second glance at Jewish men with the spark of hope that I may meet my own version of Stewart.
Then there’s one of my favorite musical groups that actually my son introduced me to years ago and I still listen to today with their bad boy, funny attitudes the, Beastie Boys.
But, really my one of my favorite treats of delicious Jewish goodness is this guy…Adam Sandler, sigh…And Channukah has never been the same since I first heard him sing these songs. So, maybe there’s hope for me yet ; )
So, my Channukah gift to all of you are these videos, part 1 and 2 and even part 3, with Adam Sandler singing “The Channukah Song” . While I like Christmas/Yule songs, Adam makes me light up like a menorah as I listen and watch these videos and see his movies, over and over again…I promise you they’ll put a smile on your face! (Skip the first few seconds of the second video because of some really obnoxious music by the person who put the video on You Tube.)
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrd9p47MPHg[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoKG_4g5bNc&playnext=1&list=PL31BB8844726F9154&index=47[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBQ4-JY-kuc&feature=related[/youtube]
© 2010, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.
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Yes, there’s good and bad in every culture and religion. But I hope you find more reason to embrace the Jewish part of your heritage because there’s so much that is wonderful about Jewish culture. One of my favourite movies is Adam Sandler’s “Don’t Mess with the Zohan.” I practically pee myself laughing every time I watch it.
Debra She Who Seeks recently posted..Reclaimed Christmas Carols
Hi Debra, you’re absolutely right that if we follow a path, we need to remember that we don’t have to like all aspects of a religion. I haven’t thought about taking what I do like and dismissing what I don’t like. I guess I was thinking it’s an all or nothing which wouldn’t help me at all to honor my ancestry. That’s why I do like the Kaballah so much as it’s more mystical and ancient.
My son is a HUGE Adam Sandler fan and used to be able to do a spot-on imitation of him singing the Channukah Song…he even looks a good bit like him. It kills me ever time.
I think we all have issues and struggles with religion at some point. A very wise pastor once told me that as children we are spoon fed our parents beliefs which most of us follow along with, but there comes a day when we HAVE to test things and decide for ourselves what we believe and don’t believe. So, I think you were/are just following the natural order of things.
Oh, and I’m with Debra….I hope you can find good things to embrace about your Jewish heritage. Such an ancient culture…so much history!
Stacy Lynn recently posted..Thursday Thunks- Live Long & Prosper
I think you need to get a vid. of your son doing his A. Sandler imitation, I would love to see it! Does his wife mind? ; ) I really like what your pastor said. That to me is the spiritual aspect of any religion instead of just following along blindly. I’m slowly accepting and honoring certain aspects of Judaism. Will I ever be a complete convert? not a chance, but you’re right the history and culture are beautiful in some ways. Hence, I love Kabballah which is rarely taught to children.
Hi! Coming by from the Yule Blog Party
This is an awesome article, I really enjoyed reading. A lot of wonderful information on your blog, really great work. I also want to wish you brightest blessings for your Yule.
Cynthia recently posted..Yule Blog Party hosted by The Broomstick
Hi Cynthia, Welcome to my blog. Glad you liked my post. Wishing you a magickal season full of wonder and beauty to you
Dear Wendy, thank you for being so open and honest. I was raised a Catholic. I am a Catholic no more. LOL We all have things to come to terms with regarding religion and spiritual beliefs. You are raised one way, but I think it is truly up to the individual to decide which path she/he chooses to follow. BUT you have definitely mentioned some highlights here – John Stewart IS awesome, the Beastie Boys are cool, and I miss watching Adam Sandler perform The Hanukkah song on SNL each year. It was something me and the hubby looked forward to.
Enjoy your weekend! Theresa
Oh, yeah, I have a lot of friends who call themselves “recovered Catholics” ; ) I like what Stacy commented on that we need to take what we like out of a religion and then make it our own basically. And why am I not surprised that you like all the Jewish Men I mentioned? Great minds think alike, eh Theresa? ; )
Oh – I forgot to mention. I LOVE your new blog banner!!! Theresa
I love Adam Sandler – I used to watch SNL religiously when he was on!
I think guilt is the weapon of a lot of religions. I know it sure was of my Baptist upbringing. I think that finding the beauty in different religions and traditions is more rewarding than having to buy everything that they try to sell you as “the ultimate truth.” I hope you find peace with your Jewish roots.
Hi Rue,
I know I wish that A. Sandler was still on SNL, too! His latest movies, I’m not that crazy about. You’re dead on with guilt being a religion into itself. And definitely the Jews dont’ have the cornerstone on this one ; ) I think I’ll find my own way of sifting through my Jewish ancestry and finding the hidden jewels, even if it does take a while. Thanks for your comment : )
Hi Wendy, i do am sorry for being hit and miss here. I hope things are going better for you.
I LOVE, Love,love the new banner….so beautiful! (I so want something more along the lines of shamanism and fate for my own, and if we can make it seasonal, that would be incredible.
anyway, I loved your open sharing here, and I’ll be back to watch the videos. ( I have Adam’s turkey song on my TG post, LOL!)
I just read in my “idiot’s guide on paganism” on Jewitches and Christopagans. They were only short introductive paragraphs. They are considered “Neo-Pagan hybrids” these paragraphs went on to say that they are not always accepted by other pagans and to “treat lightly, when coming out of the broom closet” and rather tread lightly when coming out of the broom closet it any form. I laughed.
Do you consider yourself a Jewitch??
Love and blessings,
Susan G recently posted..day 3 of AishaOaktrees YULE blog party
Sue
Hi Sue, a Jewitch? lol…I’ve never heard that term before. No, I’m definitely not a “Jewitch” as I don’t practice the Jewish faith at all. It’s all in my ancestry really. You’re really picking up some good knowledge for a newbie, I’m impressed! You know there are always going to be the judgmental in any spiritual path who won’t be open to anyone seeking knowledge which says to me, that those who are “in the knowing” aren’t worth knowing. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve opened yourself up to a new path that resonates for you. I know you must have a lot of questions and you asked some really good points that I will post about in a previous comment. And as for “Neo-pagan hybrids”, we’re ALL hybrids. No path is the original path so we’re all “hybrids.” I kind of like being a “hybrid” ; )
This is a great post!
My great grand father on my dad’s mothers side was a Jewish Rabbi from Hungary. I never got to meet him sadly but I have had a recent surge of passion for asking my grandmother about him. I have been reading about Slavic mythology and cant wait to do a post about it and get any stories I can from my grandmother!
Ponderosa Pagan recently posted..Fall Cleaning
that is a strange mix – I’m surprised it worked so well – with your mother and father’s different beliefs not getting in the way more. It seems (and I don’t really know much about the Jewish culture) that it’s not easy to have a marriage outside that religion and I imagine (and you’ve given examples) of how difficult it is for the children. I now understand why Jewish mothers look for a nice Jewish girl for their sons. It’s just easier!! There is always one side of the family that you get to know better. In mine it was the Italians, not the Irish, although later in life I learned my grandmother on the “Italian ” side was not Italian at all, but Irish. Anyway, knew her well, did not know my other grandmother at all. After hearing others stories this seems rather common. You should investigate your roots, maybe ancestry.com?
Aine recently posted..Yule is Cool Giveaway!
Well now, Wendy. I’ve read the whole post and am still waiting to be told which bit you’re ashamed of. I assume it’s the old PC problem: use the word Jew or Jewish in a sentence that can be construed as being in any way pejorative, and you’re immediately assumed to be a rabid anti-Semite. This is, of course, The Way of the Brainless Being. Do you want to hurt, abuse or discriminate against a Jewish person simply because he or she is Jewish? Of course you don’t, so there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Can I make a few points?
Disliking elements of a culture obviously doesn’t make you racist. There are things I dislike about Jewishness. There are also things I dislike about Americanness, Frenchness, Germanness, Australianness, Chineseness, even Englishness. So what does that make me? Somebody with individual tastes?
Disliking elements of a religion doesn’t make you an evil being. Disliking organised religion in general, especially the exoteric wings of the Judaic ones, strikes me as a very normal position for a spiritual person.
You’re a lovely person, Wendy. I’m sure that loveliness would blossom even further if you could stop feeling guilty for being who you are.
I’m sure all of the above is obvious. I smiled a lot while reading the posts.
I think I’m ashamed of the fact that I don’t embrace this part of my ancestry and how I have an aversion to Judaism, Jeff. You brought up some great points with compassion and wisdom. I try and catch myself when I use derogatory slang terms like “Jewing it up” etc…and I feel like the character “Jessica” from the Shakespeare play, “The Merchant of Venice” who turned away from her father Shylock and his Judaism so she could be with a gentile. And you’re absolutely right I don’t discriminate against other people simply because they’re Jewish. I do have to stay conscious not to stereo-type them because of my inner-conflicts I have with my family. Thank you so much Jeff for considering me a “lovely” person, I don’t think I’ve ever been described like that before and I’m letting myself absorb the “loveliness” : )
awww, while this banner is interesting, I really like the one you had up yesterday better…just my opinion.
PONDEROSA PAGAN…can you share some info with me on Slavic mythology, and old religions??
Susan
Susan G recently posted..day 3 of AishaOaktrees YULE blog party
Forgot to say, Wendy. I think your new banner is the best I’ve seen anywhere to date. Sexy, aloof, and mystical.
Thank you Jeff : ) A fellow Brit., Lyn from “Witch Blog” has lately been designing my blogs and I love them. I like the qualities you used to describe the for the look.
ps i meant to ask you. do you update your blog yourself, like the theme or background, or do you just get them from a website?
I want to re-do mine but I did not have much success with finding backgrounds.
Thanks for any tips!!
Ponderosa Pagan recently posted..Chant to Bast
Hi Christian, actually I have an incredible friend, Lyn from Witch blog who does all my designs. But, I know some great blogger spites for great backgrounds and I’ll email them to you : ) And if you need any help setting it up, I’d love to help you out.
I think we’re all guilty of stereotyping to some extent, Wendy. Aren’t all Brits starchy and anally-retentive with a congenital mistrust of foreigners? As for the ‘loveliness,’ I don’t think you should absorb it at all. I think you should radiate it! Will read the most recent post later.
Oh you mean “mad dogs and Englishmen” Jeff? The list could go on and on with our stereo-types, hmmmm, might make for an interesting blog post!