PrintSo, what’s a Plinky Prompt? Well, when I first started my blog on WordPress, I stumbled upon “Plinky Prompts” and much like they sound, they pose questions that you can either answer on their site as some people do, or on your blog if you have one, or just for yourself. They give about five prompts a week. And I pick the one I like the best. And by the way, you don’t have to have a blog on WordPress to the prompts sent to you.
Prompt for today: You’re on a first date. Awkward pause ensues. How do you break the silence? (Break the Ice).
This is a reason, I don’t go out on “first dates” often. My friends consider me too picky when it comes to dates and they’re probably right. I choose my friends with great care, so why would I go on a date, just to go on a date? It’s not like I have millions of suitors knocking on my door for dates anyway, and I don’t believe in putting myself out there, hoping to meet the “right one”, whatever that means!
I believe in the right timing, the right person and the right place. When all three come together, then true magick can occur. And I won’t settle for less.
I’m one of “those” people who have no, er…skills when it comes to being coy and saying the politically correct thing. I figure, if I have to hide behind words to please another, then the relationship is doomed to begin with. So, I would probably say this:
“Well, this is awkward isn’t it? We’ve both run out of things to say and since it’s a first date, that’s probably normal. So, what’s going on in your mind now?”
At which said point, the situation could lighten up, (I hope) or the awkwardness becomes more pronounced and then I’ll have to decide if I want to continue the date. And honesty is also a key ingredient for me in any type of relationship . I know I would probably strike out with a lot of men by saying the above, but as I said, if I can’t be authentic, then I’ll never really be able to give myself to another completely.
I’m not saying that when I’m honest, I say cruel things or have the intention to hurt another. Studying Buddhism, I have learned about “right intention.” Meaning, I always try to ask myself when it comes to communicating with another; “What’s my intention of saying or doing this?” Like for the prompt question, my intention would be to hopefully open up a dialogue where both of us are more at ease and set the stage for possibilities. I also don’t mind silence when I’m with another. Sometimes, it nice to just observe whatever is going on without words.
When I used to counsel couples I learned some interesting differences of the thought process. I’m not saying this always applies to every man; but men often have to take more time to think of what they want to say before just blurting out their feelings. It has nothing to do with their lack of emotional depth or intelligence, but it has scientifically been proven that men have a greater capacity for logic and spatial thought in that part of the brain while women are able to talk and feel at the same time. It used to drive me nuts or make me feel insecure if a male friend or romantic partner looked away in silence if he couldn’t answer me right then and there.
Now, I just wait and notice my own thought process, which used to be “Oh my god, did I just say something that totally turned him off and now he doesn’t like me?” or “Oh boy, he’s one of THOSE types that have difficulty with intimacy and communication.” See, what I mean about all the mind-chatter? When nine out of ten times, men are just pausing and thinking of what to say because it’s a different process for them. I’ve had boy-friends who just blurt out the first things on their mind without giving thought to what they really wanted to say and I can always intuit when someone is saying something just to please me or they have no internal thought process or depth. I’d rather be with a man who wants to be genuine with me which first means he has a solid sense of who he is and isn’t willing to compromise that.
Does it mean I’m always that thoughtful? No, I’ve eaten crow quite a few times when I’m not conscious or get anxious and start to talk really fast. But, I notice when I ask myself that question about intention, I can pause all the chatter going on in my mind and come from a place of truth which shows respect to another.
So, I’m really curious to know what you would do if on a first date a moment of awkward silence came up? If you’re married or with a partner, what did you do when you first met them and that happened?
“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” ~Anonymous~
“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us.” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson~
© 2010, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.
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Paul and I never had a ‘normal’ relationship from the start so our first date was probably quite unique. I do remember silences which I filled by blushing terribly then prattling on about everything and nothing. I tend to talk a lot if I’m nervous and there’s silence. I hear the words come out of my mouth and inwardly I’m cringing!
When I’m comfortable with someone though silence isn’t a problem!
I hardly ever went on first dates – no, I didn’t start with the second, but I never saw the use in dating, and when I finally started, the second boy I met was the BF *g*. I don’t think that silence is bad, but if it’s going on too long or if I feel the other person is uncomfortable, I like to ask them questions about something I believe they feel good/passionate about. This may be their job, a hobby, current politics, … sometimes people need a little guidance for their thoughts. (I also love to say, “Tell me something from your childhood”, it makes for good smiles.) And if they don’t stop talking and you get bored and fall asleep and end up drooling all over him, at least both of you have a good story to tell.
Lyn, I can so relate with the anxiety and “prattling” I think you and Paul never have been and couldn’t be “normal” which I think is a good thing
Diandra, I like your idea of asking about their childhood, next time I’m one of the dreaded “first-dates” I’ll think of that!