I haven’t been in a major depressive episode for a long time but now I feel one coming on and it hurts really badly. I think with all the moving, I’ve been preoccupied but now that I’m all settled my old “friend” is back with a vengeance. I wake up every morning feeling incredibly lonely and weepy even though I’ve been keeping relatively busy with volunteering at a Raptor Rehabilitation Center which I love. Volunteering there is what’s kept me feeling alive and in awe of life.
But still my chemical compounds are really making it hard for me to wake up every morning. I’m not feeling suicidal or anything like that, I’m just in a lot of pain, spiritually, emotionally and physically. I was feeling so good for a while when I first moved into my apartment but now all the happiness seems to have been leached out. As I write this Sele (one of my kitties) is purring on my lap and she and Miss Bella have been keeping me grounded and help me to just love.
I do miss my house still and the routines I had and finding new ways to live has been a real challenge. I haven’t found any new paths that are bringing me a deep contentment. I do love my little apartment and living in the city where I do, I feel blessed. It’s just a fact that people who have clinical depression hit really low low’s and that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve been trying really hard to fight it but it’s caught up with me.
I”m sorry this is such a downer post but my blog is one of the fewest places where I feel free to express myself and feel connected with those of you who still read my blog. IF you’re on blogger my blog hasn’t been showing up on your feeds, which I found out today. I’ve been wondering where all my blogging friends have been and now I know. Because I”m on WordPress, Blogger has snubbed me <grin>. So, if you want to still read my latest adventures you’ll have to re-enter my blog’s url on your google reader. If you’re a new reader, welcome.
Thanks for being out there and always supporting me and I’ll keep you updated with everything going on as you are all a life support system.
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