And just like that my house is sold, so maybe the St. Joseph statue really did help. But I’ve been totally freaking out. I really struggle with changes (even small ones) so I feel like I’m just trying to stay afloat. Even though I’m not going to be homeless, it’s the whole unknown issue that has me shaking in my boots.
I’m trying to look at the glass half full, but I’m not doing such a great job of it. I’m so used to the fearful things in life that I haven’t adjusted to the new possibilities and happiness I may experience. My body chemistry has really been up and down lately, so I’ve had to adjust my anti-anxiety medication.
The biggest fears I have are:
- Being overwhelmed up the yin yang with all the crazy transitions I’m going through.
- Readjusting my budget, big time.
- Leaving my house and downsizing a lot.
- My cats adjusting to the new move.
- Me adjusting to the new move.
- The moving process itself.
- And my current one is finding the right apartment.
I’m going to look at a few apartments today even though I have a 60 day escrow. I just need to know I’ll be living in a place I like. When I was growing up, my family moved constantly and I never had the input or really choice to move to somewhere new. It was never really discussed with me in a way that wasn’t traumatic so my “inner child” is really scared.
The scariest move I had was when my parents divorced when I was eleven and we had to move to a completely new city and I had to give away my dog and start a new school. I shut down emotionally from the whole move. I don’t blame anyone for how traumatic the move was, but it’s still obviously effecting me to this day, lurking in my memories and shifting my whole body’s chemistry.
I’m trying to stay mature and again looking at the new possibilities but I’m really struggling with it. I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope and if I fall, I’ll be eaten up by imaginary alligators (I don’t know how I came up with that image). Freud would have a field day with that image, I know.
And my stepmother who I love very much suggested that she, my father and I all go to see my therapist next week as there’s some “financial issues” they’d like to discuss and feel that I’d be better off in a safe place with someone I trust. Oh-oh, what does that say? Which I agree but again, it’s just one more warning sign to me that I’m in for a rocky road. I have so much to be grateful for I know, compared to many people who have lost their jobs, homes and have to struggle with having so little. I just wish I had serenity and peace of mind about this move and new phase of life.
I AM grateful I have this blog and it’s one of the few constants in my life now.
So, I’d really like your help in learning how to view all my changes with a glass half full instead of half empty. Advice, support, wisdom, I would really appreciate any input. Money, security, change, loss, the unknown, new beginnings.
I’d love to hear about your experiences with any of the above or any changes you were scared of and how you rolled with it and what you learned about yourself and life. Thanks everyone!
© 2012, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.