Why I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions

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Every time I make a resolution, not just for the “New Year” I end up breaking it and then the self-shame for breaking it, which then sends me into a depressive cycle. So, I haven’t made any resolutions for myself in a long time. I do focus on intentions, magickally, physically, and spiritually to happen for the New Year and that’s what brings me lasting happiness and change.

I like “intentions” because for me they’re based from an inner place of truth and consciousness rather than some concrete external goal which may not serve my higher purpose. I struggle with any type of  limitations that feels forced or goes against what I know to be best and true for my higher self. Intention’s focus on the journey rather than the destination. That may not apply to you, but I’ve learned if I stay stuck on what’s supposed to happen rather than staying in the “now” and letting possibilities happen, I’ll ultimately arrive where I need to be, no matter how long it takes.

I always focus on “intention” when I’m performing any type of magickal work as well. I don’t perform a spell for an exact result because then I’m closing the door to what true magick is all about for me, transformation, change of awareness and consciousness and the most important quality of all, the mystery of the Goddess and the Universe. For example, I would perform a spell for a specific job, a particular romantic partner, a way to look etc… And nine times out of ten, I would get what I want, but there was always this feeling of doubt and temporary happiness, because some part of me knew that what I may have thought I wanted, wasn’t what necessarily would bring me true happiness or serve a higher purpose.

As I spiritually evolved, I learned it’s better to start with the work on the inner-realm to set the ground work which can then be manifested for the highest good of all on the outer-realm.I fought and struggled with this idea for a long time.  My “ego” (rather than my heart and spirit) would tell me that the only way to really be happy was to perform “x” plus “x” to get the result of “y.”  Have you ever heard that saying; “If you want to make God really laugh, tell him/her your plans?” We are ultimately in control of how we respond to life, but mostly everything else is out of our hands. We can set intentions for a desired outcome, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen, nor does it mean it’s for the highest good.

“As Above, So Below” is one of the strongest tenets when it comes to magic based on ancient alchemical beliefs and practices. Isn’t that what magic is really? Transformation and consciousness? Seeking out the “Philosopher’s Stone” and gold in our lives? For me at least it is…We’re seeking to change the metaphorical lead inside of ourselves that may be weighing our soul down into something that makes us shine and be true to ourselves in the form of gold.

And this is where I pray or ask for guidance from the Goddess and the Universe. Each of you has your own connection with a higher-power, even if you happen to be an atheist. I connect with the Goddess and the Universal Spirit. I first ask for clarity, “please help me to know what my true intentions are when I want something to manifest. Am I asking for something because I feel I “have” to do this or I “should” do this rather than is this what’s right for me and bring authentic happiness in the long run? Will this cause harm to myself or others?”

I pay attention to my feelings; if what I would like to manifest brings only more anxiety or fear when I think about it rather than a sense of peace and knowing, than I’m usually not asking for the right thing. I’ve had to learn the difference between “need” and “want.” One is based on what is essential to my well-being while the other is a limited idea of what will make me happy or make life easier. As Mick Jagger sang, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.” Praying for clarity between what I “want” versus what I “need” is something I’m always struggling with, but when I let go and hear the answer and acknowledge the difference, things just click and fall into place eventually.

Then, I leave a spiritual door open (with meditation/spell casting or prayer, etc..) and ask “how can I best manifest these changes for my highest good?” And I ask the Goddess and the Universe to “please let me know what small steps can I take without causing harm to myself or others” We may have to do things that others resent or fight us on, but there’s a way of making a stand and creating boundaries that isn’t harmful…in most situations.

The answers may appear in dreams, a sudden “a ha!” moment, a book we may pick up or rediscover, a friend or stranger talking about an idea we’ve been asking about..There’s many, many ways that the Universe speaks to us, we just have to be willing to listen and leave the door open for possibilities.

When I feel like I’m taking the right steps forward, I may feel peace, happiness, a sense of relief, courage, etc…just depending upon what I want to manifest. Always staying conscious that whatever it is I want to happen, needs to take place on the inside before it manifests in the outside.

And if I feel a resistance or struggle happening inside with what I know needs to happen, I ask the Goddess and my Angels for “the willingness to be willing.” The “willingness to be willing” is a really important concept for me to remember. It’s not always fun or easy to make lasting change happen and if I get stuck in the place of fear or frustration, then I ask for help…simply that, “help me to keep moving forward in the best way possible.” I still get that punitive critic inside that is always correcting me or trying to stop me from changing, and now I just acknowledge their opinions, thank them, and then go back to that place inside that is loving, wise and honest.

Graphic by "Magickal Graphics"

I always create a ritual for greater self-love and wisdom when I ask for any type of manifestation to happen. The more I love myself, the better I can help both myself and others in a positive sense. And if you don’t know how to start loving yourself because of past traumas and fears, seek out counseling with a professional whom you feel safe with to help “re-parent” yourself. Our parents may have done the best that they could, but that doesn’t mean we weren’t hurt or what we learned was of benefit to us.

Seek out spiritual teachers with qualities that you would like to emulate while making sure that what they say and how they act feels right to you. Ultimately, we know what’s best for ourselves, it doesn’t come from an external source. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need others to help us though, especially when we’re at a big cross-road in life. Spend time with people who love and accept you just as you are. My best-friend once said to me a long time ago when I was feeling horrible about myself, “Wendy, let me love you until you can love yourself.” She wasn’t telling me to let go of any self-responsibility or to not take any steps to learn how to love myself more, what she gave me was a way to see that I wasn’t horrible, worthless, or unlovable which I gradually was able take inside of myself. I eventually learned how to be my “own-best friend” literally, thanks to her. And if you don’t have people in your life who support, love and see the real you, find them!

Each of us, needs to learn what is the “highest good for ourselves.” What I think may be the “highest good for myself” will of course be different than your own highest good. We’re all unique and while I can tell you what works for me, you need to learn what works for you.

So, with the last ten years what I’ve done to help inspire change in myself for the New Year is to pick a word that has important meaning for me and then see how I can manifest those inner-feelings out into the outer world. I have to pay attention to a word that keeps resonating for me and gives me a sense of constructive power.

My word for 2011 is “honor.” I wish to learn how to honor myself more. What foods and excercize will best honor my body? What spiritual steps can I do to learn how to honor myself and others more? How can I best honor my life’s purpose? What can I do to honor those of you who read my blog and reach out to me? How can I honor my muse of creativity?

I always leave room new ideas and thoughts to happen along the way. Especially when I’m feeling confused and stuck. I’ve learned to give myself time and come from a place of stillness so that I know what steps I need to take next. The more I try to force an answer, the more disheartened and angry I become.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions” ~Rainer Maria Rilke~

I honor the process because I know everything happens and unfolds exactly as it’s supposed to. That doesn’t mean life always goes smoothly or that I’m in denial of the dark part of my life especially having Bipolar Disorder. I honor my intuition, keep asking for the “willingness to be willing” and learn how to love myself and others along my path.

God can dream a bigger dream for you than you can dream for yourself, and your role on Earth is to attach yourself to that divine force and let yourself be released to it. ~Oprah Winfrey~

This is how I will create and manifest what is best for myself in the New Year and why I don’t believe in New Years “resolutions.”

if you were to choose a word to manifest for your life in 2011, what word would that be?

Graphic by "Magickal Graphics"

© 2010, Wendy S.. All rights reserved.

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